Mirrors

March 25, 2009 at 8:21 am | In Musings, Poems | Leave a Comment

Mirrors scattered about the room.
Some shattered – tiny peanut shells,
Some distorted – contorted circus shapes.
They brighten the room,
Reflective patterns on the walls, ceiling and floor
Stars of light, dancing.
Every day there are more.
They are beginning to cover the floor.
I no longer know the color of the walls
Or even the shape of the room.
Everywhere I look I see
Light, mirrors, little bits of me,
Pieces of me in fragments – staring back
on top of me, below me, next to me.
I see
Every wrinkle and pimple,
Hair and hangnail
Every curve of muscle and fat.
I see so much
I’ve become uncomfortable, self conscious
– can’t remove my clothes.
Yet the only one looking
Is me.

Scary/odd dreams

March 19, 2009 at 8:08 am | In Dreams | Leave a Comment

So apparently at 5 days and 36 miles a good night’s sleep is possible.

Though the dreams were a bit odd last night.

Driving home with my wife we are coming down the 1.
She is driving,
Through Castroville and to Marina
We pull off through a smaller section of town.
It is flooded.
Water starts at tire height.
Debris from old buildings is floating everywhere… many many small pieces
some large.
There are no people. The air has an odd calm.
A kitty cat is standing on a board in the middle of the water
it’s suddenly deeper, nearly to our car windows.
The kitty cat is bedraggled.
beat up. scrawny. tired.
He steps off and steps with quick toes across the little tiny pieces of debris.
We try to go around.

Suddenly the car is gone and we’re swimming
using large flat pieces of debris to help us along
other kitty cats appear… all hopping along the top of the water
stepping lightly on those little pieces of debris.
Every step, the debris sinks and they have to move quickly to the next one.
We work our way to some railroad tracks raised above the flood
we climb out and begin to walk.
Looking back all the kittys look like little water bugs across the top of the water.

We set out on foot to the next town.
We both start itching.
our skin is red, blotchy, and peeling as if sunburned.
I look down to my ankles and the skin is swollen and red.
We feel like we may have the plague…

We keep walking down the railroad tracks and eventually reach a cafe in Seaside.
They are very busy and don’t seem interested in helping us.
Eventually they offer us their shower – downstairs.
We ask them to call 911 due to our rashes.
They say “no, we’ve seen that before. You’ll be fine.”

We walk home. Seemingly better every step – though we aren’t sure.

— blink blink —
I wake and make sure my wife is okay. She is sleeping soundly.
—blink blink—

Then we’re visiting a friend in Ljubljana.
We are again looking for a shower.
First we’re in a produce stand in town.
We don’t understand what they’re saying but Marko is loading up our carts.
When we go to check out – I take the produce to put it on the scale, but
the checker just looks at the bag I’m holding and yells out a price.
Then she says, “we’re above getting paid by the pound”

We’re then out on the street and someone mentions that Marko has
access to Tom Cruise’s Apartment in Ljubljana and that there is a shower inside.
We take the key and search through a giant building. Apartments on all four sides
with a giant courtyard in the middle.
The hallways are confusing and maze like.
Eventually we find the apartment and step in.
It is small and clean. There is a desk and a bed. The walls are covered with ornate wood carvings and mirrors.
To save space, there are a variety of things under the bed including a small sink and shower head.
We use it to spray our faces and hair… and use a sponge to bathe.
I’m fascinated that the bed looks so pristine and clean with all this stuff underneath.

Tom Cruise does not show up.

Physcially tired, mentally wired

March 18, 2009 at 7:06 pm | In Musings, Running | Leave a Comment

Maybe it’s because it’s spring?

Yesteray, I was wondering why I was tired
and then it dawned on me….
8.5 miles of trail running Saturday (Fort Ord – starting Creekside)
7 miles of hiking Sunday (Fort Ord – a bit of orienteering from Inter Garrison)
8 miles of running Monday (Along the beach of Pacific Grove)
7.5 miles of trail running Tuesday (Fort Ord again)
hmmm

Maybe all that mileage could have something to do with it?

And so… I ran another 5 tonight (Wednesday) for good measure. Tired Schmired.

Here I am physically tired, but I’ve not really been challenging my mind.
I’ve not been writing … as evidenced here.
I’ve not been reading anything of substance… I’m sorry Terry Brooks, but as entertaining as I find your books, they just don’t get me thinking about life and society or anything really.
Work? Uh. When you redo your forecasts for the year – not because you have to, but because you have the time to – - I don’t think it’s all so challenging.
Sitting through meetings… well that can be challenging.

So despite the 31 miles in 4 days I lay there in bed last night. WIDE AWAKE. Wondering. Playing songs through my head that I’m hearing over and over again on Pandora. Does anyone else find their selection repetitive? Rehearsing in my head different ways I could approach the silly desktop tower defense game. And then, when I do fall asleep my mind and dreams are so active I feel like I’ve been awake the whole time. And then I’ll make up crap at work. Layoffs are coming. They’re unhappy with what I’m doing… hmmm. How can this be? I don’t know… I’m tired. Let me sleep.

and then I fall asleep and 7:00 rolls around so quickly… the light comes in the room. My wife is in the shower. Oh… just another hour, please.

and caffeine and work and another 8 miles and here we go again. I wonder if 36 miles and 5 days will be any different.

Running through Time

March 3, 2009 at 10:06 am | In Musings, Running | Leave a Comment

I’ve been asked, “what are you running from?”
and well
my answer is typically. “nothing, I just like to run”
but well
my answer is for the most part true
but it does not preclude some random
scares
frights
paranoias along the way.

On a run
and for as long as you’re not in pain
There is a lot of time to think about life
and things.

On a run
over ground
that you frequently cover, it’s easy to think about
other things.
Life. Work. Love.
The familiar surroundings are comforting.
Like a song you’ve heard over and over
you know the next lyric
you know the next tempo change
you don’t have to focus on it.

On a run
that is new
there are things to see
terrain to comprehend
and ways to get lost.
there are potential dangers
there are the things locals know
and if you’re alone… your mind will create danger
create muggers around the corner
create mountain lions in the trees above you
and rattle snakes in the rocks.
It will break your leg in a fall
or give you the runs
and there is the real possibility
of running 5 miles down a dead end road -
sending you back to where you started to do it all over again.

Time runs differently in the different landscapes.

A frequent run… may go by like an instant
in a moment
as if nothing happened… because you were not really there
you were thinking.
It is like a dream.
and if there is nothing to think about…
a frequent run can be dull and boring and seem to go on forever.

A new run… one mile may seem to take hours
as you examine every curve
every turn
every tree
and every building.
You are so focused on where you are that time nearly stands still.

a long run… The last 5 miles may go by in an instant.
Your mind shuts down and just keeps going
there is a different place it goes
a different zone.
Difficult to describe.

and if I pull back. Life is like that.
Time as we experience it is not the constant click of seconds.
one second is not the same as any other

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